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Free Divorce Workshop

This year, in accord with my resolution to live more mindfully, I am offering the Second Saturday Divorce Workshop for FREE as a contribution to the community. If you know someone who is going through a divorce, thinking about divorce or is faced with other family law issues, please pass this invitation on. If you are experiencing a family law crisis yourself, I invite you to join us this Saturday, January 14, from 10 a.m. to 12 p.m. at my office in Woodland Hills for a roundtable discussion providing information and guidance. Learn about the 7 options for divorce, how to communicate with your ex effectively to achieve goals that are consistent with your interests, and how to restructure your family in a healthy and positive way.

As a California Bar Certified Family Law Specialist, one of my goals is to help clients achieve a successful divorce. It may seem like the words “successful” and “divorce” contradict themselves, but they do not. Experience and academic studies have helped us identify the basic elements of a successful divorce. “Successful,” as used here, means to complete the process of emotional separation, establish a new center of balance as a single person, maintain the welfare of your children, and develop healthy attitudes toward yourself, your ex-spouse, and your past marriage.

As in life itself, absence of conflict is not part of a successful divorce. A degree of anger and conflict is natural, useful, and constructive. It helps break the bonds of attachment and old patterns in the relationship, stimulates reflection, and enables change. (Excessive and destructive conflict, however, requires special treatment – usually the intervention of divorce coaches).

I ask clients to try to view their “ex” as a problem-solving partner. It is helpful to consider the ‘ex’ as someone who can actively and constructively participate in resolving the issues created by the separation. The closer the parties come to mutuality and balance, the healthier it will be for them and their family.

If you would like to attend this Saturday’s free family law workshop, please RSVP by calling toll free (888) 852-9961, or reply to this email. To view other upcoming free events at The Law Collaborative, please visit www.thelawcollaborative.com/events.htm. I encourage you to forward this invitation to your friends, family, and colleagues.

Best wishes for a healthy and happy New Year,

Ron Supancic, CFLS
The Law Collaborative, APC
21051 Warner Center Lane, Suite 100
Woodland Hills, CA 91367
T: (818) 348-6700
F: (818) 348-0961
www.thelawcollaborative.com/

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Ron, January 10th 2012 | Tags: , , , , , , , ,
Posted in divorce, events, newsletters

Helene Antel, Lawyer and Peacemaker – P.3

In last week’s episode of Ron and Robert on Divorce, we heard the story of Helene Antel, a successful, powerful, ferocious district attorney who was the victim of domestic violence. It took her years, but she finally learned how to follow the very advice she routinely gave her clients. Once she learned how to do that, she was able to begin building a life of freedom for herself and her child. When asked what the turning point was that allowed her to start taking her own advice, she says it was when she achieved ambivalence.

Now, she finds herself moving away from litigated court cases because she doesn’t want to make war anymore. She wants to make peace. In her words:

“Violence only breeds violence. Respectful communication breeds solutions. You can get a resolution without all the hate, the fighting and the misery. It takes less time, and it takes a far less egregious toll on the participants.”

Listen now to part 3 of this fascinating series:

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Missed the first two? Listen to Part 1 HERE and Part 2 HERE.

Don’t miss another one! Subscribe to Ron and Robert on Divorce on iTunes and download free podcasts weekly.

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A Serious Girl, October 28th 2011 | Tags: , , , , , , , ,
Posted in divorce, domestic violence, mediation, podcasts

Budget Cuts Imperil Access to State Courts

photo by s_falkow via PhotoRee

Across the nation, state court systems are facing severe budget cuts that may result in a delay of justice for many.  Because so much of the budget of the court is personnel, staff reductions are one of the only options. California has been no exception. In their frantic effort to stem the tide of red ink in Sacramento, legislators have cut $350 million from the state court budget, with more cuts to follow. A local newspaper is calling it “Courtmageddon.”

For someone contemplating braving the courts to get a divorce, the news is grim. Twenty-five of San Francisco’s 63 Superior court chambers have been shuttered. Two hundred of 480 employees will be getting pink slips. “It will take a year and a half to get a divorce in San Francisco and to get a child custody order. If you file suit, we won’t do anything with your case for five years,” San Francisco Superior Court spokesperson Ann Donlan said. Unfortunately, Los Angeles County may not fare much better. Right now, it is common for a lawyer in Los Angeles to face an eighteen-month delay when filing an order to show cause. That can be catastrophic if the matter concerns custody of children, visitation, or any number of other sensitive issues.

Getting on with one’s life is paramount, and a lingering, costly battle in court is the last thing anyone wants. It simply stretches out the pain, multiplies the cost, and hurts your children.

However, there is a glimmer of hope. Collaborative Divorce offers a different, and less destructive, path to reconstituting the family. Ron Supancic, a seasoned litigator and expert in alternative divorce strategies, is recommending collaboration as a sensible alternative to the embattled and clogged state courts. The professionals and resources of The Law Collaborative can make the journey shorter, less traumatic, more equitable and leave more goodwill and cooperation than traditional divorce.

For more about the benefits of Collaborative Divorce, click here.

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A Serious Girl, October 17th 2011 | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in collaborative divorce, divorce

Helen Antel, Lawyer and Peacemaker – P.1

Former criminal prosecutor Helene Antel grew up in a low-income housing project in the South Bronx. It was a rough and ugly neighborhood where people did not treat each other with kindness. She knew, even as a little girl, that so much hatred was not normal. She remembers being eight or nine and flying with fists of fury at a burly, tattooed gang member because he was picking on a little fat kid. She’s had the heart of an advocate since she was small.

Helene is a lawyer in Alaska who recently made the decision not to litigate any more. Over the course of her impressive career, and with a little help from her personal life, Helene has come to the conclusion that most conflicts are the product of a misunderstanding, or the lack of a good translator. And so she doesn’t litigate, she translates. Through translation, she reduces conflict while increasing peace and understanding.

Listen as Ron and Robert interview Helen Antel, lawyer and peacemaker.

Like what you heard? Subscribe to Ron and Robert on Divorce on iTunes and download free podcasts weekly.

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A Serious Girl, October 14th 2011 | Tags: , , , , , ,
Posted in divorce, podcasts

Non-Communication Can Cost You

This is a risk of “traditional” divorce that doesn’t come up often. Traditional divorce doesn’t teach you to communicate with your ex spouse, but rather to have an adversarial relationship, where non-communication becomes the norm. If you think that’s fine, think about the following situation, involving two parents, two sets of lawyers, and one wise old judge.

The custodial parent moves and enrolls their child in a new school, but fails to communicate the details with the other parent, who comes to believe that the child would be walking home along dangerous, busy streets and coming home to an empty house. That parent files a temporary restraining order to prohibit the enrollment. The truth is that the custodial parent had in fact taken all concerns into account, and the child was at no risk. The non-custodial parent based their fears on hearsay, and the restraining order had no merit – so, after reviewing the evidence and the custodial agreement, the judge threw it out.

But, and this is a big one, he didn’t grant attorney’s fees to the custodial parent. Why not? The restraining order had no merit, after all. The judge decided that court was a poor substitute for a simple conversation. In effect, he punished the custodial parent, who was acting within their rights, for not pro-actively communicating with the other parent. Mediation or collaborative divorce can help avoid expensive and wasteful litigation not just at the time of the divorce, but years down the road.

On October 18th, The Law Collaborative is offering Tips, Tricks & Strategies for Divorce, a seminar that will provide tools for moving a stuck case forward, how to communicate effectively with a former spouse, tricks for negotiating even when negotiation seems impossible, and more. The workshop is $25 in advance or $35 at the door. Licensed attorneys who attend will earn 1 MCLE credit. Anyone contemplating or going through a divorce is invited to attend.

Register online at www.thelawcollaborative.com or call us toll free at (888) 852-9961.

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A Serious Girl, October 12th 2011 | Tags: , , , , , , , ,
Posted in children, collaborative divorce, communication, divorce

Divorce by Texting?

photo by DavidErickson via PhotoRee

According to Time Magazine’s Hillary Brenhouse, it is no longer permissible in Tajikistan to divorce your wife by sending her a text message. In some traditions of Sunni Islam a divorce can be granted by uttering the “triple talaq,” which simply means the husband repeats the words: “I divorce you” three times. Apparently, Tajik men working abroad found that texting the  triple talaq was just as effective, and much more convenient.

However, the sense that that this shortcut was just a bit too easy has been growing. Abdurakhim Kholikov, the head of the state religious affairs committee, issued a statement that delivering the coup de grace to a marriage by SMS was a breach of Islamic law, and plans to outlaw it entirely. In a nation where most marriages do not appear in the official records anyway, the talaq was a mere formality.

In other nations the triple talaq must usually be accompanied by arbitration and reconciliation. The practice had already been regulated or banned in Turkey, Tunisia, Algeria, Iraq, Iran, Indonesia, Pakistan and Bangladesh. Of course, in the US, divorce has never been so simple – or so arbitrary.

Read the article here.

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A Serious Girl, October 10th 2011 | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in divorce, worthwhile reading

Randy Morrow, Certified Real Estate Divorce Specialist, P. 6

In this sixth and final segment of Ron and Robert’s interview with Virginia’s leading Real Estate Divorce Specialist, the gentlemen discuss the difference between distributive bargaining (which is what you get when you go to court) and collaborative negotiation, which is what happens in a Collaborative Divorce. We like to tell the story of the orange:

Two young siblings are fighting over an orange. Their father walks in on them, takes the orange away, cuts it in half, and hands a half to each. Sister bursts into tears. “Why are you crying?” asks the perplexed father. “You and your brother both wanted the orange, there was only one orange, so I cut it in half. You should be happy.”

“I don’t want half!” sobs Sister. “I only wanted the peel. I need it for a cake I’m baking, but I have to have the whole peel.”

“Oh. Bobby?” He asks Brother, “Will you give your sister the whole peel if she’ll let you have the whole inside?”

Brother’s eyes light up. “Gee, sure! I didn’t want the crummy peel anyway.”

And that, dear friends, is the difference between distributive bargaining and collaborative negotiation.

The gents go into more detail about distributive bargaining, and then they talk about how to divide a property that was owned prior to marriage, what happens if you file bankruptcy during divorce, and whether or not you should keep your house if you file for bankruptcy.

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Missed the first five parts of this series? Here’s Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, and Part 5.

Don’t miss another one! Subscribe to Ron and Robert on Divorce on iTunes and get free podcasts every week.

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A Serious Girl, October 7th 2011 | Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in divorce, finances, podcasts

Strategies for Divorce

The Law Collaborative has partnered with the State Bar of California to provide licensed attorneys with MCLE Credits. Our October 18 seminar, Tips, Tricks & Strategies for Divorce offers attorneys 1 MCLE for $25. If you’re an attorney interested in adding family law to your menu of services, this 90 minute seminar will teach you important tips, tricks, and strategies for moving cases forward, how to better protect a client’s assets during divorce, why fighting for a client to keep the family residence may hurt them in the long run, and common divorce-related tax issues  most family law attorneys don’t appreciate or understand.

This seminar is also ideal for those with no legal background who are in the process of divorce. Do you feel like your case is stuck? Is negotiating with your ex impossible? Are you unsure of where your case is headed or how to take the next step? Pourya Keshavarzi, Esquire, and Irene Smith, Certified Divorce Financial Analyst, join forces to provide you with important information that will help you protect yourself in court, tricks for effective negotiation, and strategies for moving your case forward.

Join us at our office in Woodland Hills on Tuesday, October 18, 2011 from 6:30 p.m. to 8:00 p.m. for Tips, Tricks & Strategies for Divorce. Refreshments will be served. Register online today for $25 or call us toll free at (888) 852-9961.

To see some of the other upcoming events we have planned, visit www.thelawcollaborative.com/events.htm.

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A Serious Girl, October 5th 2011 | Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in divorce, events

Getting Anger Under Control

Dr. Walton will be presenting at this month’s Second Saturday Divorce Workshop on Saturday, October 8, from 10 a.m. to 12 p.m. at our office in Woodland Hills. He’ll discuss combating emotional agendas, tips for better communication with your ex, how to help your kids through the divorce, and how to get through it yourself. Register now for $25 at www.thelawcollaborative.com/secondsaturday.htm or call us toll free at (888) 852-9961.

Getting Anger Under Control Is Easier Than You Might Think
By James E. Walton, Ph.D.

The first thing to understand about anger is that you, and only you, are responsible for your thoughts, feelings and actions. That includes anger and angry behavior. You are responsible for becoming angry and you are responsible for letting it go. No one can “make” you angry. Only you make yourself angry. Anger is a feeling. When we are able to put anger into words, we can clearly communicate our strong feelings to another.

Angry behavior is not a clear form of communication, rather, it is a form of acting out when we yell, scream, throw things or hurl insults. This behavior doesn’t express anger. It simply demonstrates our feelings of helplessness and our desire to force another to bend to our will through intimidation.

Uncontrolled angry behavior interferes with talking and listening. It is actually a very ineffective way of expressing anger. Instead of the receiver hearing clarifying words, they are left to interpret the behaviors, and often their interpretations are not what the sender was trying to express.

To better get anger under control, ask yourself if the angering situation is going to really matter 20 years from now. Then, ask yourself if you would rather be right or happy. Sometimes we prefer to be right, but usually we prefer to be happy. These are two techniques for reducing feelings of anger.

Never attempt to settle an argument when you are angry. Walk away, sit down and cool off. Deal with the situation later when you are rational. Feel with your heart, but act from your head.

Dr. James E. Walton, Ph.D. is a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist with a private practice in Sherman Oaks. Log onto his website at LAtherapist.com or call (818) 753-4865.

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Guest, October 3rd 2011 | Tags: , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in communication, divorce, family

Randy Morrow, Certified Real Estate Divorce Specialist, P. 5

Maybe you’ve been following along (if you haven’t, start playing catch-up now!) but today’s episode of Ron and Robert on Divorce is crucial. Certified Real Estate Divorce Specialist Randy Morrow delves into the topic of short sales: What is a short sale, do you qualify for one, and what will it do to your credit score? In Randy’s words, “This is mandatory to understand.”

Listen to this new podcast from Ron and Robert on Divorce – you’ll be glad you did.

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Missed the first four parts of this series? Find them here, here, here, and here.

Don’t miss another one! Subscribe to Ron and Robert on Divorce on iTunes and get free podcasts every week.

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A Serious Girl, September 30th 2011 | Tags: , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in divorce, podcasts
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